Current mood: Sad and Conflicted
I dunno how to start this post, i can only relate best what my mind can comprehend with my emotions, reflection, thoughts going through my head now. Today i learnt something about myself , something hard to face ... something i have become.
Firstly noticed how much i have drifted from god... the one guy i have always drew strength from. i don't pray as often as before, his priority in my life suddenly dropped ... i even believe god sent my mom to wake up my idea. Just this afternoon my mom called to ask why wasn't in church, she even commented that I'm lagging, she's not even catholic and she is telling me that I'm drifting ... i felt really sad after hearing it .. cos i opened my eyes to see how far away I'm to god.
Secondly, my attitude has also changed .... seeing myself, i don't like what i have become. i feel so different and its not in a good way. Where has my compassion gone? Where has my understanding-ness gone? Where has my patience and calmness gone? Where is my need for challenge gone? my standards?? .... I dunno , this may be a stroke of insecurities or a awareness of who i really m in the first place... but i feel i lost myself and i'm not sure where i'm heading too .... Jesus i need you more then ever.
