The midnight anthem

When the morning breaks ,

just as the sun touches the edge of the world,

he wakes to remind himself

he has no resolve

his trials are not important.

He mission forward to bring the light to others

making sure that he leave none for himself.

Then everytime as the red sphere falls,

as the stars slowly waken,

there he waits .. head bowed low...

there are no lights

no candle to hold his own ...

he waits ... spirits on the floor ...

for his devil to whisper ....

"You are all alone"

Feelings oh Feelings

Dear Reader

Current mood: Limited

For the past week i've been trying to tidy up my life and i kinda stumbled abit. I so happen to realize that my emotional state has a hell lot of work to do.... For years of my life i have been rather ignorant about my feelings, and take things that happen to me rather personally ... which is detrimental to myself of course. Little things will hit me hard, and though i can cover it up ... there is no denying it had affected me. So diving into this part of my life to fix it was ... how you say it... frightening, because it opens you up to years of emotional negligence and its like a flood of misplaced loneliness , sadness, pain , denial , joy ... hitting you in one go. But as terrifying as it is, i cant wait to deal with each feeling and finally organize ... hopefully ... another part of my life! haha peace out

MY LEFT SIDE BRAIN!

Dear Readers

Current Mood: Rather calm and relaxed

Now things are starting to settle down...again. Its surprising how life seems so much more meaningful when you set goals and discipline yourself. Like for me now, it sets my mind to move forward, i can't elope myself to get stuck in the past. i only find the past to learn ...and then i just walk forward. It really helps me alot cos now i seem to have more energy and life to spend it on the people around me haha . Kewl! hha

Friends and Class

Dear Readers

Current Mood: Happy and Treasured ... but sian (thanks to Work)

Just finished graduation 2 days ago, it was one of those days i wont forget. Not because of the graduation however, but my post Grad party. It was one that reassured me of myself , the people around me and most of all how both meant to me.

First off, to tell you the truth .... Before the party, i wasn't feeling very happy. I was rather deep in thought, one especially about my future and my relationships. It looked unpromising...

But during the party it took a turn for the better. The highlight of the night was a chat with my close friend, Swee ting, she kinda opened my eyes. Didn't have such an engaging talk for a long time now. We chatted about her current life, her past and some personal stuff ( heh! Swee thing *wink *wink *evil smile) haha :p. And i realized something , i was touched at how much she treasured her friends .... as i sat there listening, i couldn't help but admire how good a friend she is. LOL , for those close friends of hers , if you heard what i heard, you will be touched too.

That moment,i thought maybe life had a fighting chance .... maybe the future wasn't going to be that bad.

Too Swee Ting: Thanks for being such a great friend! You are a wonderful person , filled with sincerity and "logic" hahaha :p I know you will do just fine in life! Even though life kinda suck with the job taking so many things from you now, i bet things will get better soon and you'll find that balance of work , friends and personal time.lol But for now please remember to takecare of yourself and steal time from work as much as you can! ( Still got to get you to that spa and massage and wonderful eating day). If you ever need anyone to talk or accompany you (or massage :p) , i'm always here ! lets make this friendship last! haha

P.s As much as you treat us as treasures , you are our treasure too ;)

What i'd become ...

Dear Readers

Current mood: Sad and Conflicted

I dunno how to start this post, i can only relate best what my mind can comprehend with my emotions, reflection, thoughts going through my head now. Today i learnt something about myself , something hard to face ... something i have become.

Firstly noticed how much i have drifted from god... the one guy i have always drew strength from. i don't pray as often as before, his priority in my life suddenly dropped ... i even believe god sent my mom to wake up my idea. Just this afternoon my mom called to ask why wasn't in church, she even commented that I'm lagging, she's not even catholic and she is telling me that I'm drifting ... i felt really sad after hearing it .. cos i opened my eyes to see how far away I'm to god.

Secondly, my attitude has also changed .... seeing myself, i don't like what i have become. i feel so different and its not in a good way. Where has my compassion gone? Where has my understanding-ness gone? Where has my patience and calmness gone? Where is my need for challenge gone? my standards?? .... I dunno , this may be a stroke of insecurities or a awareness of who i really m in the first place... but i feel i lost myself and i'm not sure where i'm heading too .... Jesus i need you more then ever.

To Better Spend my time

Dear Readers

Current Mood: BORED!!!!! ( Seriously , get me to do something!)

Funny, how when time seems so little ,you have tons of things planned out to do and you actually do them. But when given a whole lot of it, you just cant be bothered to do what you want to do. Well, I'm fixed on that moment, i have all the time in the world , TONS of productive things ready to be done. HOWEVER! ... haha I'm not doing any one of them :p

Oh well, maybe because I'm lazy or that I'm deluding myself that there is plenty of time to do them. Still ... i should really motivate myself to do them. They are after all beneficial and sitting around the house isn't exactly bringing income or stimulating my brain (or my muscles for that matter).

Alright! I've made a decision, plan it out! And tackle this procrastination problem of mine. Haha Planning things out week by week would be a good start haha it seems to be doing fine for Swee Ting ( So Seal of Approval that planning works wonders on procrastination!) heh!

Business and Stocks

Dear Readers

Current mood: Motivated

Now for years, i've been ranting to many people about my dream to open a cafe , business or starting stock trading. However as you can see , i haven't made much off an effort to do anything , and dreams wont pop up on its own! so I'm giving myself a little push! But ideas and opinions are in order.

Ok. First is the cafe. Now! from the general consent of people i'd talked to... cafes are hard. Its success largely factors places, promotions,s people, prices and blah blah, if you know business you'll understand the 7P's. Anyway problem is competitors like star buck , gloria jeans and coffee bean kinda took all the good stuff. So my question here is should i continue to try set up a cafe? and if yes! tell me some good places to rent and some ideas to differentiate myself from the rest (Hint: What would you like your cafe to have?)

Next! Business, alternatively i was thinking of set up a small business , not really online but really ... you know, a store kinda thing. I have some ideas but i'd like to gather some ideas you would like. Go CRRAZY!!! think of something , even u can think of something that doesn't need a space and a website , even better. haha oh , I'm hoping to get feedback too, i know people who have their own business , so some experience to shred light on this would be great (Esther?)

lastly , and something i REALLY REALLY REALLY wish to have! haha is a mentor to guide me the ropes in Stock trading . i was thinking to earn 3000 a month through it ,heard with a bit of work its possible and actually minimal but the problem is with all the scams around and the after reading my investment books , its wasn't much help. So I'm Asking please help me out here , if you know anyone who is capable in trading , please kindly recommend him or her to me. thanks!

P.S i don't do MLM business ... please don't suggest it . thanks

I have to stop running

Dear Readers

Current mood: I dunno what to make of it , half sad, half happy... half regretful

I just watched an episode of an episode of " The Mentalist". It's one of those episode that makes you reflect our your own life. It certainly made me think about my life, i realized that my whole life has been a big cover. A grand race away from realities of life.

Yes. I realized i have never faced anything dead straight in my life, i know you may not get what I'm saying but bear with me. Truth is i think I'm scared of life... I'm afraid of conflicts, I'm afraid of what people think of me, I'm afraid of facing people's views, I'm afraid of being alone, I'm afraid of god, I'm afraid of not being able to enjoy life, I'm afraid that my lies will come back and haunt me one day, I'm afraid of my father, I'm afraid of disappointing my family, I'm afraid of being an incompetent, I'm afraid that I'm not doing anything about it, I'm afraid of not being good at anything, I'm afraid that i have no one to call my own, I'm afraid that I'm weird, I'm afraid that i don't fit in now, I'm afraid of the regrets in my life, I'm afraid of letting go.........

I'm pretty sure there are a lot more I'm afraid of (These are what i can think of for now). But how do i know I'm afraid of these things?... Literally the way i live my life is testimony of it. I avoid everything that I'm afraid of.... i seek an escape for each thing I'm afraid and never facing it... i guess some can see it. My over-closeness, weirdness, my isolation, me keeping people from truly understanding me, my conflicted-behavior, childish manner of seeking praise, lies, delusions , self-absorb-ness, my addiction to feeling victimized, my tendencies to let people run over me, the unusual way i interact with people, shadiness, are all the accumulated result of me not facing life when i had the chance.

Kinda make me regret parts of my life ... when i think about it. Well i guess there is no point now ... only got to look forward and make the best with what i have now... and tackle each insecurities down. It was difficult for me to share this with you .... but.... i trust you (whoever is reading this) to not judge me for them ... but support me as i overcome each one.

my way to stop avoiding what's presently in front of me.

VALENTINE! OH VALENTINE! WHY HAVE U FORSAKEN ME?

Dear Readers

Current mood: Contented

AWW ... love and relationship, the lovely feeling of young love. To have the wonderful sensation of knowing someone special out there is loving you for who you are. The period you think you found someone who truly understands you and will always have your back. It a nice feeling isn't it? haha Well thanks Valentine for reminding me that i don't have all that. haha

Yes folks, it Valentines day...again. A simple excuse for couples to go out to set some love ablaze... once again. For the couples , have fun. For singles , haha I'm free. And for the dearly broken hearted ....I'm free too. hahahahaha! Joking.

I think over the years of teen suppression, we've grown to overlook the true meaning of Valentines. YES YES! its about the lovely dove-y things as well but there is more then that! its about truly loving someone! i repeat TRULY LOVING SOMEONE! not just that kind of Orchard-couple-hold-hand-kiss-kiss kind of love but one that is shared between friends and family (You know, appreciating each other , having fun together, that kind of thing).

So... share the love this Valentines with everyone and anyone who has step in your life!

P.S And word of advice... u see someone you want to go out on a date with ... just ask! Bloody hell save the pride for some other time. hahahaha!

Could WORK overturn the blog...NO!!

Dear Readers

Current mood: Reflective

How does it feel to have a life ran by another. This overwhelming truth that there will always be someone or something pulling your strings. Whether its a boss or our own hunger , we are always being pulled. Then what does it take to be free of it all , what is that "pull" that needs to be broken, for you be alive. For a friend, thats dropping a path of education that she knows will not serve her well. What i see there, is a certain clarity that not a lot of has, who can say that they have chosen a path made truly by themselves ... she can. And right now despite cruel objections from the people around her , i say "Cheers! you have my support". Heh , her eyes shows no regret, only sadness from disregarded support, her mouth speaks no remorse , only determination of living , her body shows no stop , cause this is her path...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Haha, now the last entry , i mentioned about walking in peoples shoes. Jonathan has stepped up haha but here lays the problems , i haven't met him up for ages. haha! YO! BRO , after i meet up with you then i'll continue k? haha

These shoes are made for walking

Dear Readers

Current mood: Relieved and down right tired

The last stretch home is almost here! i can almost see the light!! internship is going to end! hah! the-never-seem-to-end-internship is finally reaching its last months. Its so relieving to see that a life of spare time and enjoyment is right around the corner. Looking back, internship isn't so bad, i gained a lot from it , new friends , lots of experiences , new sights and internship even bonded my classmates even more. (pssstt....but its still freaking sucks ...with shit pay and over work-a-ness)

Alright, now using up the last of my energy to do this... i just finish 32 hours straight of work and as you can imagine I'm already dying in front of my com. Ignoring sleep can kill. BE TOUCHED! haha anyway during the new year, i made a resolution to always imagine myself in another person's shoes , its my way of trying to understand my friends. Well ... drop a comment if you want to be that person and i'll walk in your shoes for the next post.

WA LAU!

Dear Readers

Current mood: Peacefully bored and .... creep out

Right now i'm at my desk in the office...working ...waiting till 10pm to CONTINUE working at Raffles City for the whole night... Sigh, if this is not cheap labour i dont know what is. However , what bugs me now is not the long hours, it's how quiet the office is right now ... its almost creepy.I can only the hear the hum of the computer and the ghostly echos of what is suppose to a damn busy office gone void. But Don't get me wrong, i'm loving it, you dont get such peace and quiet when you are working in this job.

So on this "Tranquil" moment, i'll tell you how this blog almost became a "WA LAU" blog. It started when Esther pointed out how dead my blogging was. haha After a small discussion about how my blog name , took could be sorted after by others , she convinced me to pick it up again. Problem was,i didnt know what to talk about about. I forgot how this happened (Esther, you remember?) but we started throwing out ideas for this blog to be... "WA LAU!". haha everything said, laid out and published was suppose to make you go WA LAU! We even thought following a name of a restaurant , just so that web-passers looking for the restaurant will end up here and go "WA LAU" .haha Esther and i had real good fun playing with this , too bad it didnt really come true. haha

Whats probably going on in your head after readding this.

Readers: "WTF!, what kind of story is this "WA LAU" "

Me: * thumps up " EXACTLY!"

Screwed up again

Dear Readers

Current mood: Panicky

Its funny how life loves to slaps your face at the most urgent of moments. Well.. i got my slap just this very moment and it hurts. I just got a call from my executive, apparently i have forgotten to do something very important ONE DAY BEFORE MY SHOW STARTS!

(*SLAP!) The consequence running through my head is rather unbearable. Right now, i wouldn't mind life to slap me abit more if it could make the situation better. Sigh ... only thing i can do now is control this Panic state and pray.

Cursing myself now about how stupid..... and stupid.... and stupid i can be for forgetting something so important. This got me thinking about how much a fool I'm in the first place .... screwed myself up , my relationships and my life... now I'm paying it with all the teasing,insults and disappointments . Step it up Aloy! Step it up!

Expect the Random

Dear Readers

Hello~~ As you know its been about a year (maybe more ...) since i had ever blogged about anything. Remembering the last time i blogged, it was about an article about littering and as you know it was rather unsuccessful ( Even i forgot about it... only remembered when my friend reminded me)

That aside, i just want to prepare you guys for the load of randomness you'll get in the blog. But heck it... whose blog isn't?

So to start this off on a high note! lets pool up all the topics you wish this blog to address! ( Adding a little order to the chaos of randomness to come) . SO! drop in some comments about stuff you wish to talk about. As you can see this blog is going to be a mutual process ... you'll be participating for it to work!